Tonight was an intensely bittersweet emotional roller coaster. I woke up this morning not realizing what I would be facing just 9 hours later. God works in fantastic mysterious ways my friends.
To unravel how I'm feeling, I'm going to start off by explaining the context. I went to Church tonight, as usual, feeling slightly off balance and edgy. Something was clearly stirring inside me, or rather itching at my skin. I wasn't sure what it was nor how to control it and frankly I still am unsure. After talking things out though with a friend, I think I've figured out the premise of my thoughts.
Now for the realization:
At an early age, I know what I'm head over heels crazy passionate about. I consider this a blessing. I've battled through my life towards this drive and emotional intensity that I am feeling now. My time and energy has been devoted to progress in the direction of my goals and hopes. Clearly, I feel strongly about something. What is it? My faith in Jesus. Not religion, Christianity, the church, my pastor, the bible, no. After tonight, it has been made clear to me! I really am just a disciple of Christ. Being a "Christian" has a lot of religious connotations such as organizations and institutions and critical beliefs. I really don't want to categorize myself anymore. But, now for the unsettling piece. Why don't I show it? Why don't I live, every single day, in awe of Jesus? To most people reading this, it may seem a bit extreme what I'm trying to say. But, if i'm on fire might as well be on fire for God right?? We are our harshest critics.
Anyway, Matthew15 is where the famous "salt & light" lies. I think the key aspect of that verse that people always miss out on is the context of it. Jesus is talking to all of the people with weak spirits, broken lives, empty pockets, diseases, scum of the earth. He tells THEM to be the salt and the light of the earth. He says GO NOW, and spread your light among the people in the world. Those are the people he is speaking to in the sermon on the mount. Not the rich, powerful, religious leaders who think that God "owes" them. (this is a direct message from what I received at Solid Rock tonight by the way, listen to the podcast on itunes)
Also, there's no such thing as a religious formula. No such thing as the "perfect Godly citizen" so we should all just put that behind us and start accepting that we make mistakes and must simply benefit and learn from them. Then, use those mistakes in your testimony to maybe inspire something inside of someone. Vague? Yes but that's the beauty of the unknown. You never know how your testimony could spread and effect others.
This post is a little unorganized and chaotic but I really just want to end with this. I've been through a lot and it has led me to where I am today. WHY in the world would I hide my biggest passion, Jesus, from the rest of the world? Even more, my community of friends/family? I've decided I'm going to stop caring about people in high school's opinions of my faith. If you think I'm a goodie two shoes Christian girl, not only are you wrong, but you are wasting your time with those thoughts. If you have any questions, ask me! I'd love to talk about it. But from now on I'm going to be, or at least try to be, the person that I want to be. I am inspired by God every day and I'm gonna let people know. Kapeesh?
Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it.
Have a fantastic night everyone!
